5 months

So, what am I feeling, what am I thinking...that's what I keep asking myself.

Today you would have been 5 months, but you're not here with us.
So, I ask myself how I have changed, grown & become a better mother, wife daughter and friend?

I go everyday wondering how our lives would have been different if she was alive.
I have learned that there are so many people walking around who are just like me.
They have a precious son or daughter who isn't here to grow old with them.
There are people who carry their silent heartache that is remembered every time they see a child about the same age as their own!

I have learned to really consider what is truly important.
I don't take complainers very well, I really have to bite my tongue when I am around them!
But then it makes me wonder, if she would have lived if I would be as sensitive!

I am continually striving to see what God is teaching me(us).
In our finite minds we didn't deserve this, we are great Christian.
But God never promised us a life without pain or suffering.
So I wake up everyday saying, okay God, what are you going to teach me today?

I do miss her with all of my heart.
I was told shortly after losing Layla,
that we grieve as deep as we love!